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Uninspired.

9 comments

For months I have struggled to keep this blog alive. I have posts inside me. I have posts started. I just can’t muster them out. This is really the way a big chunk of my life is going. I am incredibly happy with my wife and son, but something is amiss.

I am often distracted, barely able to pay attention to the simplest of things. Medically, I am an undiagnosed ball of annoying symptoms–not debilitating but the sum of them is wearing me–and my family–out.  I stugle to be the man I promised my wife I would be, while being a father I respect and a paramedic I would trust.

That is all I want–to be a good husband, father, and paramedic. Just like the subtitle to my blog. That is me. There is little more to me than those three things. Sure, I am a son, a brother, a friend. But the sum of these three things defines the man I am today.  Yet I find myself uninspired. I have an amazing wife, an adorable 1 year old son and a job I love doing and I am just uninspired. When I get home, I kiss my wife, hug my son, and go to bed. I fail miserably at sleeping all day and then repeat the cycle.

I make goals–to work out, eat better, spend wiser, study harder–yet I never follow through with any of them. I set these goals again and again and I always end up where I started. Uninspired.

I have the desire to move past all of this, but I just need the right push? What will that push be?

Posted by on February 10, 2010 • Filed under: Boredom, Changes, Coping, Failure, father, HELP, Home, husband, medic
  • Firefighter/Medic

    You might want to get checked out for depression. The thing about it is , you don't know you had it until its gone. I know, I just got my wife on the mend and she is a new woman.

    You also tend to sound down about your working situation. No offense, but I would be looking to checking out a civil service position with a Fire Dept. that has medics. I've got 30 years on one now (28 certified medic) and I always feel sorry for the under paid, under appreciated and under utilized privates that come through here. Its been a great living for my family with security and great pay for what I do.

    Hope you figure it out. This job can be tough on marriages.

  • http://www.medicthree.fireemsblogs.com medicthree

    All are things I have considered, but I find it more complicated than that. I am happy, just seem to be a bit grogged down. I think whatever is going on with my intestines could very well be a big part of this(possibly celiac disease).

    As for Fire. I am happy living where I am and FD isn't as much an option. While locally they run medics, they are BLS only and are really just there for show, for the most part. Practicing my skills is my passion, but our local protocols do not allow them any freedom, plus they are cross trained and fire does not provide me any excitement. Honestly, I think you are all crazy….

    I am trying to study for FPC and Critical care exams, hoping for a flight position in the relatively near future.

  • msparamedic

    I've been there. I know they say I'm on 23 and shouldn't feel that way, but I have. Sometimes there's a moment and it all comes back to you, and other times it slowly comes back in, like the way air leaks out of a tire… just in reverse. Uninspired or not, I'm still a big fan of the blog, just wanted you to know that!

    MsP

  • http://www.firedaily.com Fire Daily

    I'm no doctor, but after 30 years as a medic and from very personal experience, you have the classic symptoms of depression, my friend. My uninvited advice: follow that trail awhile longer. Don't try to diagnose yourself, and don't be afraid to talk to a pro. You give 3 kick-ass reasons to find out for sure.

    Peace.

  • FirefighterBlog

    MedicTHREE, I hear you and if I can offer any advice set the blog aside and post only when you are driven to the keyboard.

    I used to fret when I did not put something up for a week or two, I felt guilty to the point I thought why bother at all.

    The truth is none of us, (or very few) are professional writers, even fewer make a dime from the effort. For me it's a hobby.

    Put the blog down for a month, put that duty aside. It's not going anywhere and your readers will not hold your absence against you.

    Spring is around the corner, oil up the baseball gloves and forget the blog until one day you find yourself back on the keyboard by choice.

    Be safe and well!

  • FirefighterBlog

    MedicTHREE, I hear you and if I can offer any advice set the blog aside and post only when you are driven to the keyboard.

    I used to fret when I did not put something up for a week or two, I felt guilty to the point I thought why bother at all.

    The truth is none of us, (or very few) are professional writers, even fewer make a dime from the effort. For me it's a hobby.

    Put the blog down for a month, put that duty aside. It's not going anywhere and your readers will not hold your absence against you.

    Spring is around the corner, oil up the baseball gloves and forget the blog until one day you find yourself back on the keyboard by choice.

    Be safe and well!

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