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Ambien made me post this…

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Seriously. It did. I take ambien for sleep(12.5mg XR), as the chances of me sleeping on my own are not so good. But if I am awake past that first 40 minutes it makes me do crazy crap. Like post on my blog. Or clean out the fridge. OR trim, cut and cure 40 lbs of deer meat for Jerky slices. I’ve rearranged my 75 gallon aquarium and not remembered. I’ve don a LOT of things and not remembered.

It is mildly terrifying to know how much can happen with so little control. MY wife sure like the cleaning version of me though, so I doubt I’ll be changing over soon.

Do any of you have first hand experience of the crazy things meds made you do?  We hear stories all the time from patients and coworkers, but I’d like to hear your own stories.

ON a clinical note, what do we need to look for with these odd situations? Can a patient sedated with ambien be reliable?

Drop me a line!

 

Ambien Side Effects

Ambien Dosage:

Dosage in adults

The recommended dose for adults is 10 mg once daily immediately before bedtime. The total Ambien dose should not exceed 10 mg per day.

Special populations

Elderly or debilitated patients may be especially sensitive to the effects of zolpidem tartrate. Patients with hepatic insufficiency do not clear the drug as rapidly as normal subjects. The recommended dose of Ambien in both of these patient populations is 5 mg once daily immediately before bedtime [see Warnings and Precautions (5.6)].

Use with CNS depressants

Dosage adjustment may be necessary when Ambien is combined with other CNS depressant drugs because of the potentially additive effects [see Warnings and Precautions (5.5)].

Administration

The effect of Ambien may be slowed by ingestion with or immediately after a meal.

Mostly it’s the getting by thing…

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We all joke in ways our families, friends and patients don’t understand. See around the 3:20 mark of this video:

Godspeed, friends!

Miss You, grandpa.

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As we near on the anniversary of 9/11, the memories of my grandfathers final days are turning pretty deep.

I’d started a post, and maybe I’ll get back to it… but then I just read my short post from a year ago.

I can’t stop the tears.

I miss you, Grandpa.

Night Shift Blues

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For the past 11 weeks I’ve been back on nights. I’ve spent 50% of the last 3 months away from my family, missing them more than I can describe. The hardest part has been saying “goodnight” to my son over the phone. When we started, it was particularly hard. He didn’t really get it, and mostly just ignored the voice on the phone. Now he gets it… and maybe it is even harder… His sad little voice is just too much sometimes.

But in a week, I get to go back to days. There are a lot of changes with that switch to days, all of which make me anxious… But I get to go back to days! I get to tuck my boy in, sleep in a bed next to my wife, and see them both in the morning.

The stress working nights has put on my family is hard to explain… but god damn it will be nice to be home like a normal dad. Three years ago when I started this career I couldn’t imagine how it could put strains on my life….

Be safe out there, friends…

Godspeed,
m3

Focus

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Obviously I have been absent from posting here at medicthree.com. Part of this has been due to my efforts over at rootmedic.net, but mostly it has been due to a gamut of things… For a long time I have suffered from anxiety and some depressive tendencies. I have tried various PPI’s over the years with limited help. Mostly I suffered from the side effects rather than benefited from them.

For a long time I have gone med free and it has just proven too much. Every day I wake up tired, unfocused, with a cloudy mind. I am easily irritable, easily frustrated, and easily overwhelmed. While I am fully capable of doing my job–I feel that I am not doing it at 100%. I lose my train of thought and often can’t pay attention during classes or training.

I think I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. In the morning I am going to call my doctor to meet. Obviously I am not qualified to self diagnose… But I do know how to recognize these symptoms. I do know that prior attempts with common medications resulted in a more complicated set of symptoms. I do know that I am sick of doing nothing.

It is hard for me to say this, because I think ADD in children is grossly over diagnosed. It is often an excuse for parents who cannot reign their children in. While legitimate cases exist, it is often used when good parenting is all that is needed.

Another frustrating part is that Doctors are often inclined to just diagnose anxiety or depression for these symptoms. I don’t think that is the sum of my problems, but more an element of my symptoms. This is just my thought though, so I will only “guide” my doctor so much…

So wish me luck. I miss writing here, but I just haven’t had the energy. I am hoping to figure something out and admitting that something is going on is the first step, right? After being tested for Celiac, food allergies, and the like, I can only assume my intestinal problems are psychologically related as there seems to be no medical cause. Because of this I have to do something now.

I want to be well and I want to be a good father. I don’t want to be one of those people who have an excuse for why they aren’t well. I just want to be well.

Asher: A year in pictures

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Slideshow: asherSlideshow

The Waiting Game

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Asher had another VCUG and Lasix renogram today for his hydronephrosis. Won’t have results for a day or two, but it looked like it always did… delayed draining of the left kidney. Hoping they find something diagnostic soon.

Until then, here is a pic of the little monster(who does not like anesthesia… fought it really hard).

After a dose of chloral hydrate and 2 doses of versed… the walk BACK to PEDS is what put him to sleep… Stinker.

Uninspired.

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For months I have struggled to keep this blog alive. I have posts inside me. I have posts started. I just can’t muster them out. This is really the way a big chunk of my life is going. I am incredibly happy with my wife and son, but something is amiss.

I am often distracted, barely able to pay attention to the simplest of things. Medically, I am an undiagnosed ball of annoying symptoms–not debilitating but the sum of them is wearing me–and my family–out.  I stugle to be the man I promised my wife I would be, while being a father I respect and a paramedic I would trust.

That is all I want–to be a good husband, father, and paramedic. Just like the subtitle to my blog. That is me. There is little more to me than those three things. Sure, I am a son, a brother, a friend. But the sum of these three things defines the man I am today.  Yet I find myself uninspired. I have an amazing wife, an adorable 1 year old son and a job I love doing and I am just uninspired. When I get home, I kiss my wife, hug my son, and go to bed. I fail miserably at sleeping all day and then repeat the cycle.

I make goals–to work out, eat better, spend wiser, study harder–yet I never follow through with any of them. I set these goals again and again and I always end up where I started. Uninspired.

I have the desire to move past all of this, but I just need the right push? What will that push be?

Being an EMS Dad

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I’ve been a paramedic for about 19 months. Not very long, really. My first year was spent working for two teeny tiny services with teeny tiny call volumes. The last seven months with a service that runs right around 10,000 calls a year with 3 trucks covering. Needless to say, I have experienced a lot more in the last 7 months than I did in the year prior to this.

I have been a father for just under a year. 11 months and 7 days, to be exact. As a father I know I will be learning what to do for the rest of my life. My son is amazing and if I didn’t have the amazing wife that I do–well, there isn’t a shot in hell I could do this on my own.

What I didn’t expect was for the lessons EMS would teach me about being a father. The skills I’ve learned since becoming a father are less about medical procedure and more about communication, lessons, and reality.

Reality is the hardest part. Shit happens. Inevitably Asher will get hurt. Inevitably Asher will get sick. Inevitably Asher will make us mad, and I’ll be forced to discipline him. Some how, working in EMS has taught me some skills to be better prepared(or so I am hoping!).

The most surprising skill tune up I’ve gotten while working on the streets came in the form of communication. My communication skills suck. I bottle things up, take them out on those I love, and then don’t understand when they get mad about it. I can be hot tempered, ill mannered, and down right inappropriate. Dealing with frustrating, rude, and down right worthless patients over the last 19 months has taught me that sometimes despite what you think and feel about someone, you have to be able to do your job with self restraint.

Self Restraint. Compassion. Patience. Even now when Asher is so young and innocent, these qualities are getting more fine tuned. After a long night at work, coming home to a screaming baby isn’t easy. Then again, Mrs. MedicThree was home alone with him all night–I don’t imagine me coming home and ignoring them helps her get out the door much either. Before being a medic, father, and husband it was all about me. Now, it rarely is.

Being a medic has taught me how to diffuse situations that could otherwise end badly. Calming a psych patient down, giving stern advice to someone abusing the system, and making sure I am doing so within the bounds of being a Paramedic–and not a judge–is more than a challenge at times. When I first started doing this, I would jump down someones throat for “wasting my time”. Now I understand that sometimes it is easier and better to spend a minute or two trying to figure out(and make the patient) what the hell is going on.

When it comes to life at home, it is more logical to take a breath and treat my family with the respect they deserve. Does this mean I am always cool and calm? Nope. I get stressed. But I like to think that when big things come up I can handle myself–this is something that prior to EMS I’m not sure I could do.

The most unexpected part about being an EMS dad is how being a dad has changed being a medic. Pediatric calls give me a different chill I couldn’t imagine pre-fatherhood. The way I communicate with patients and families has evolved greatly since being married and becoming a father. I spend a little more time trying to make my patients feel better than I did before–most of the time this is done by talking. Sometimes I am a little stern–call it honest–but sometimes that is exactly what the patient needs, and sometimes it is what they want.

Trying to pick and choose the parts of EMS I bring home to my family is the hardest part. Learning how to cope with the realities of my job and the challenges of being a husband and father will continue to be the hardest thing I encounter on a daily basis–but I’m excited for the challenge.

In this line of work it is easy to try and separate your personal and professional lives completely–but it is impossible to succeed. Finding a way to allow them to compliment each other is the key to survival.

Stuck in mud.

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As you might have noticed I haven’t posted a great deal lately. Over the last few months I have tried to cut back on overtime since I felt like I was missing a huge chunk of my little guy’s life. The drawback is that created financial stress on my wife and I that added a whole different problem.

That being said, work just hasn’t been that exciting lately. I haven’t had a “good” call in weeks. Run of the mill, drunks, flunks and morons occupy most of my nights. The last 4 shifts have had a total of 5 calls for our crew, which is wayyyyy below the norm. Sometimes the break is nice, but it really leads to boredom. I’ve attempted to write several posts and I seem to get stuck about halfway through every time.

For one I feel like my head is clouded all the time. Do I have ADD? Maybe. Something really messes with my focus and has for years. I get stuck in a pattern that just repeats and repeats and repeats. Well…. I’m doing what I can to stop this cycle. First, my wife and I are starting back up on P90x. I plan to make a quick post about it everyday, but using the recent past of medicthree.com might make it easy to realize I will likely fail at this.

Second, my wife and I are going to talk with someone about our budget, and more importantly our debt. The combination of several horrible financial decisions, in combination with several piss poor decisions in college have left us in a heap of debt. Almost enough to buy a decent house.  We’ve decided we can not handle ignoring this any more and it is time to do something about it before we set this as an example for Asher. Admitting this to myself was hard. Admitting this to you all was next to impossible and in the even that I hit “publish” with this intact, don’t judge me too strongly…

The last year has been tough on Mrs. Medicthree and I. Our marriage is stronger than ever, but so many changes–my jobs, her job, having a son, moving, moving again, being broke, being really broke, and the list goes on–will take a toll on any relationship. Without her, I couldn’t have done any of this. I wouldn’t be able to do the job I do. Coming home to her and Asher is what makes my day. Work is just work. Coming home is my life and all I really care about. I know I don’t get to tell her this enough, but it really is.

If you follow me on twitter you might have seen that I went deer hunting in November. I got both my Buck and a Doe. My Whitetail buck was by far the best deer I’ve ever shot. At 7×7 it isn’t huge by whitetail standards, but considering he was shot smack in the middle of Mule Deer country makes it pretty impressive to me. I convinced the Mrs. to let me get it mounted(European style) and I’m damn excited about that.

Anyways, enough of my worthless ramblings. It is breakfast time here in the land of M3. Lets see if I can accomplish something worth posting about in the next few days.

Awake.

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Living days while working nights has proven to be a challenge. It seems as though every night I fall asleep with little effort, but wake up every night between 2 and 3 am–like clockwork–and just can’t seem to fall back asleep.

Tonight I woke up and it was like a switch had been clicked. Wide awake. I hate it. I want to sleep when I’m home, and want to be able to function during the day when possible. Honestly, I wish when I woke up NORMALLY it was that quick.

I am sure part of this is from getting up with Asher for soooooo many nights at nearly that exact time, but I know most of it is from my Night work schedule. It has proven to be a challenge I didn’t expect.

I know that the final key to the puzzle is a little anxiety. Honestly, we’re just skating by financially and have been going through several other medical issues between Mrs Medicthree, Asher, and myself. Asher’s Kidney draining issue is still undiagnosed, despite nearly 30,000 dollars in tests and doctor visits. Mrs. MedicThree’s problems seem to be in the clear, but will require frequent monitoring to be sure. As for myself, I am scheduled for Nissen Fundoplication surgery on Tuesday for my Acid Reflux/Gerd and I am rather anxious to get it over with. I have such frequent reflux that it is a serious burden on our lives. I’m also hesitant because of some of the terror stories out there about the side effects, but I feel as though I have no choice at this point.

Anyways, I plan on fininshing up a few posts in the making this morning/tonight, so please keep coming back to see what I’ve got.

Godspeed, Friends.

My Life in Pictures

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In No particular Order.

Enjoy:Gyro Pita, Global Market—Minneapolis, MN

While waiting at a light on the way toa call. Yes, that is plexi and plywood for a window.

Asher out and about in the Best Damn Stroller Ever(Chico Cortina…)

Headed to work I saw this. Yes, that is a motorcycle with a trailer… and a dog in it.

Sunrise on my way home from work yesterday. I take a long way just for this.

Fog over the river. Part of the reason I take the long way home.

My dogs in a moment of bliss. Not often do they give us this peace…

All photos taken with my BlackBerry Storm. Feel free to add me to BBM on your Berry, medicthree@gmail.com

On Behalf of a Greatful Nation

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At 0846 AM Eastern Time on 09/11/2001 American Airlines Flight 11 struck the north side of Tower One of the World Trade Center Complex. This was the beginning of one of the worst days in American History.

Before this day “hijackings” were about money and power. Before this day you were much less likely to look at a Middle Eastern male the way you do now. Before this day the word “terrorist” wasn’t a political buzz word. Before this day there wasn’t a burning grave on the tip of Manhattan.

I’ve talked before about 9/11′s significance to my family. But now, just one year after that post, it is hitting me pretty hard. I’m sitting here with my son–Asher Harold. Harold for my grandfather–the man we put to rest on this day 8 years ago–and I keep blubbering like a baby. I miss him. I understand death. I understand that it is part of the process we call life. I also understand that his death left him in peace, whereas the end of his life was in pain and suffering.

I understand that.

But I’m still pissed. I’m pissed that he, and his wife, and my mother’s father didn’t get the chance to meet my son.
I’m pissed that so many people didn’t get to see their loved ones that night. I’m pissed that innocent men and women paid the price for someone’s ideology. I’m pissed that my brothers in service ran IN to a building to save people, only to never come out.

I keep struggling to find a way to just let it go. My emotions take a roller coaster thinking about it. I’m sad for the families who have had to suffer this great loss. I’m pissed at the men who thought this to be the only way to get their message out.

I don’t know what to say to any of them, but I think this is most appopriate for the victims families:

On behalf of the President of the United States and the people of a grateful nation, may I present this flag as a token of appreciation for the honorable and faithful service your loved one rendered this nation.


Sure, they weren’t “soldiers”. But they lost their lives because they lived on American Soil. They lost their lives on that principal alone.

My Grandfather was in the Army. Those words were said to my Grandmother with my Uncle by her side, his Navy Dress clean and crisp. Every time I hear them, or read them, or even think about them I get the same chill.

Today might not be about our troops… but we need to be better as a country and make EVERY day about our soldiers fighting on our behalf. They didn’t sign up to fight. They signed up out of pride. They signed up out of need. They signed up for a million reasons, but so very few people signed up because they want to go to war… So please, please take a minute to remember the fallen, and pray for those risking it all on daily basis.

Godspeed all. We miss you all.

We miss you grandpa.

Writer's Block

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Yup. I’m still alive, just in a perpetual state of writer’s block. You might have noticed my twitter updates are a bit slim too. Since starting the new job, stress is better, but still there. The Mrs and I have kind of a lot going on. I’m trying to get the go ahead to do nissen fundoplication for acid reflux, Asher is still batteling his kidney issues and the Mrs has a few medical issues going on too.
Hope to be back at it soon, but just wanted to let you all know i’m still alive.

Godspeed all.

Things to come…

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Not much posting as of late due to my schedule. Work nights, sleep days, hang with the family whenever possible.

Some of that will change 8/1/09. I switch to days for that 6 week stretch of my FTO. I’m excited that I will get to be home a bit more during normal hours. I’m sure the Mrs. is excited for me to be around to help out with Asher a bit too.

This week we head back to the land of my medic internship to go to a pediatric nephrologist for Asher’s left kidney. Since birth it has been draining extremely slow(but not 100% blocked) and and their isn’t a doctor locally who can handle his case. We aren’t sure what the final solution is but I am sure it is surgical. The thought of doing surgery on my little boy is terrifying, but I want him to be better(though he doesn’t exhibit any real symptoms from this).

Asher is growing and changing fast. It is more exciting than you could imagine. Just over the last few days he has started to like cuddling and just hanging out with me. I LOVE this! He is just barely scooting and crawling is just around the corner.

Will have some Medic posts coming up when I have time to sit down and pound them out.

Godspeed!

Life

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Life has been very busy/stressful/challenging lately. I have been having a hell of a time with my current job and have been looking for my way out. My boss doesn’t seem to think that 2×24 hr shifts + 3×24 hr call shifts is “working us too much”. Funny how 3 months ago he stopped working real shifts altogether since it was destroying his family life.

My family is supposed to magically survive though.

Don’t think so dude. No job will ever be worth sacrificing my family. My wife, son, and even my dogs are more important than a paycheck could ever be. The stress this job has put on my family for the last 3 months is incredible.

I’m realistic. I know that having a 4 month old son is hard. I know that the stresses a new baby can put on a relationship are rather intense. But they are nothing compared to what this job does.

I hope to have magical results for you all in 48 hours.

Godspeed, friends.

medic(THREE)

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When www.medicthree.com started, a little over a year ago, it had a different meaning that it does today. Initially, I was Cheating Death: The Daily DOA. This is a plug from one of my medic school instructors “start your day with a doa, doo dah”.

You can still get to this site via www.dailydoa.blogspot.com. I then moved on to www.medicthree.com. I was Medic 3 at my last job. That was me. I responded to every call with my sign. But Medic 3 was not destined to be.

Now, I am medic 16(for the time being) and I couldn’t bring myself to change the blog title again(at that time… I did in fact change it 3 more times!!!) so I kept it. It actually messed me up a few times, as I’ve copied calls as medic 13 and not portable 16… Tends to confuse the dispatchers and my coworkers…

But now Medic Three means something else. It is about me. About who and

what I am now.

I am a Medic.

I am a Father.

I am a Husband.

All of these define me. No one of them does it alone.

I am medic(THREE).

The hardest parts of living this trio are leaving some parts behind and learning to use the combination as a tool. Being a father—albeit new—has already helped me on calls.

Being a medic has helped me at home with the boy. It helps me understand some of the little things about babies. About when they are sick, and when they aren’t. It has also been a detriment. When something is wrong… I know. I understand just how serious things are. When Grandpa was in his last days… I knew. I understand that some things aren’t as simple as we tend to lead others to believe.

Being a husband has taught me millions of things. From compassion and patience, to focus and understanding. My wife has taught me more things than I care to admit!

medic(THREE) is a growing album of who I am. Who I am is ever changing—fluid. Being me couldn’t be any better though. I love my work, though maybe not my place of work. I love my son. Unconditionally. I love my wife. With all of my heart.

Godspeed All… Hope to have some exciting news for you soon!

Failure.

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For 7 months I have tried to reverse what I consider to be my biggest failure of my life. I work hard. I try to improve things. When that doesn’t work, I give up. I know… I’m a type A personality. I’m a leader. A fighter. I strong person. But I can’t fight this fight anymore.

Every day, I wake up—if I even slept that night, and spend an hour dreading work. If I’m on call I fear any chance I have to go in. When I’m ON I get sick. I dread the conversations with coworkers, the tedious tasks, and the shit morale.

I feel as though I’ve failed. I moved my family and implanted us here with no other options… Well… One other option. My initial first choice. The problem is… the THOUGHT of going there could get me fired here. No… It WOULD get me fired.

I’m damn scared. I do NOT want to let my family down. I want need to succeed. I need to prove myself to my family. I need to prove myself to… me. All I want is to be a Paramedic. All I want is to succeed. Yet every move I make ends in failure. My first job was a failure. This is an EPIC failure.

What would you do? I’m signed into a lease for at least a year. Further, I love being here. We are in my hometown, a mile from my parents, an hour from my in-laws, and I feel spoiled. My son certainly is. I know my parents love having a grandchild close. What do I do?

Wish me luck.

Daddy Time

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Got to spend today with the little guy. I was actually pretty nervous because he spent the day yesterday being “difficult”. Today, though… he was a dream! Happy, smiling, and chowing down like there is no tomorrow… Has a few fussy fits every now and then… but he IS a baby!
I love being able to keep him home from daycare 1 or 2 days a week. I’d love to be able to do it more……….
Godspeed All.

On the Truck…

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Back on for a 24 this am… Had a great night with the wife and friends last night at Ribfest. The little guy stayed with the in-laws for the first time last night… More nervewrecking than when he stays with my parents… Something bout him not being IN town, but 45 miles away…

Miss ya buddy… Can’t wait to see you guys!

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Asher–16 weeks

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Wish I was home, little boy. Love and miss you both!

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I hadn't planned on doing this…

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Really, I hadn’t. AD’s post was better than I could do… But I have to say something.
First, head over to Remember the Fallen. After I read AD’s post I did a little work on google and found that site. I browsed around and then I found the gallery.
It is full of heart wrenching photos.
This one got me.
With a son of my own, the fear of getting hurt–or worse–at work is ever present. The number of kids out there who have lost their mother, father, brother, sister, grandpa or grandma to war is growing. It hurts. I’m a grown man and I was blubbering like a baby.
It hurts.
May God have mercy on your souls.
God have Mercy.
Some Memorial Day Reads:

Um… Yeah….

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So, It has been rather apparent that I can’t make my mind up. At all.

In the past 6 months I have:

  • Abandoned MedicThree.com
  • Started and abandoned glutenfreedad.com(no longer hosted)
  • Started and flopped on courtesyshock.com(still up)
  • Started, but done nothing with medicdad.com
  • And now I am back with medicthree.com. Format might be a little different, as you can see, but back I am. I have new motivation for some posts, and my fears of exposure are all but gone. A few people
    here know me in real life. One of them is one of my supervisors–but, if I can’t trust her… I’m in a world of hurt anyways!

Anyways… I assure you that by the end of the night there will be an ACTUAL POST HERE…

So… Let me know how things are going! What do you think?!?!?

Baby Asher

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Born 2/5/09 after 15 hours of Pitocin induced labor… Ended up being pulled with forceps because his heart rate plummeted during contractions.
So far… Fatherhood is the most beautiful, terrifying, scary, fun, and challenging thing I have ever done. Hopefully I’ll manage to STAY home this week… I’m on call a few days and it is hard to say…
I love you little boy.