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The things we do for Love…

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So Tuesday night I took my wife to see Hanson. Yes, the mmm bopping 90′s teens you are thinking of….

She likes them. A lot. So I was a nice guy and drove up to the Minnesota Zoo amphitheater and took her.

In the rain.  The pooring friggin rain.

Mind you… their new music is actually decent–you just haven’t heard it because they have their own record label and thus can’t get any radio love… but still… I took my wife to Hanson. In the Rain. After a 4 hour drive.

I might be the best damn husband. Ever.

Oh, and cutest baby ever says hi!

Posted by medicTHREE on August 12, 2010 • Filed under: Asher, Home, husband • Tagged: ,

Clarity

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I told you all about my decision to finally go to the doctor and take care of myself…
Well I did it. My doctor agreed with me that my symptoms seem very much like Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. She prescribed be Strattera, rather than one of the controlled substances(per my request) so that I a) won’t have to worry about habit forming medications, b) won’t have to worry about work drug screenings.

While the medication has only been in my system for 4 days, I feel better already. It most certainly is partly placebo effect, but whatever it is, I am happy to have finally done something about it.

I am dedicated to being a better person–at home and at work, and this is my first step in that direction.

I feel like I can think clearly without my all too common cloud of thoughts bouncing around. I hope this works. I really do…

Godspeed, Friends

m3

Posted by medicTHREE on April 17, 2010 • Filed under: Coping, FirstTime, Home, Life, Psych, Stress, husband, sleep • Tagged: , , , ,

Focus

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Obviously I have been absent from posting here at medicthree.com. Part of this has been due to my efforts over at rootmedic.net, but mostly it has been due to a gamut of things… For a long time I have suffered from anxiety and some depressive tendencies. I have tried various PPI’s over the years with limited help. Mostly I suffered from the side effects rather than benefited from them.

For a long time I have gone med free and it has just proven too much. Every day I wake up tired, unfocused, with a cloudy mind. I am easily irritable, easily frustrated, and easily overwhelmed. While I am fully capable of doing my job–I feel that I am not doing it at 100%. I lose my train of thought and often can’t pay attention during classes or training.

I think I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. In the morning I am going to call my doctor to meet. Obviously I am not qualified to self diagnose… But I do know how to recognize these symptoms. I do know that prior attempts with common medications resulted in a more complicated set of symptoms. I do know that I am sick of doing nothing.

It is hard for me to say this, because I think ADD in children is grossly over diagnosed. It is often an excuse for parents who cannot reign their children in. While legitimate cases exist, it is often used when good parenting is all that is needed.

Another frustrating part is that Doctors are often inclined to just diagnose anxiety or depression for these symptoms. I don’t think that is the sum of my problems, but more an element of my symptoms. This is just my thought though, so I will only “guide” my doctor so much…

So wish me luck. I miss writing here, but I just haven’t had the energy. I am hoping to figure something out and admitting that something is going on is the first step, right? After being tested for Celiac, food allergies, and the like, I can only assume my intestinal problems are psychologically related as there seems to be no medical cause. Because of this I have to do something now.

I want to be well and I want to be a good father. I don’t want to be one of those people who have an excuse for why they aren’t well. I just want to be well.

Posted by medicTHREE on April 11, 2010 • Filed under: Asher, Coping, Life, father, husband • Tagged: , , ,

Being an EMS Dad

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I’ve been a paramedic for about 19 months. Not very long, really. My first year was spent working for two teeny tiny services with teeny tiny call volumes. The last seven months with a service that runs right around 10,000 calls a year with 3 trucks covering. Needless to say, I have experienced a lot more in the last 7 months than I did in the year prior to this.

I have been a father for just under a year. 11 months and 7 days, to be exact. As a father I know I will be learning what to do for the rest of my life. My son is amazing and if I didn’t have the amazing wife that I do–well, there isn’t a shot in hell I could do this on my own.

What I didn’t expect was for the lessons EMS would teach me about being a father. The skills I’ve learned since becoming a father are less about medical procedure and more about communication, lessons, and reality.

Reality is the hardest part. Shit happens. Inevitably Asher will get hurt. Inevitably Asher will get sick. Inevitably Asher will make us mad, and I’ll be forced to discipline him. Some how, working in EMS has taught me some skills to be better prepared(or so I am hoping!).

The most surprising skill tune up I’ve gotten while working on the streets came in the form of communication. My communication skills suck. I bottle things up, take them out on those I love, and then don’t understand when they get mad about it. I can be hot tempered, ill mannered, and down right inappropriate. Dealing with frustrating, rude, and down right worthless patients over the last 19 months has taught me that sometimes despite what you think and feel about someone, you have to be able to do your job with self restraint.

Self Restraint. Compassion. Patience. Even now when Asher is so young and innocent, these qualities are getting more fine tuned. After a long night at work, coming home to a screaming baby isn’t easy. Then again, Mrs. MedicThree was home alone with him all night–I don’t imagine me coming home and ignoring them helps her get out the door much either. Before being a medic, father, and husband it was all about me. Now, it rarely is.

Being a medic has taught me how to diffuse situations that could otherwise end badly. Calming a psych patient down, giving stern advice to someone abusing the system, and making sure I am doing so within the bounds of being a Paramedic–and not a judge–is more than a challenge at times. When I first started doing this, I would jump down someones throat for “wasting my time”. Now I understand that sometimes it is easier and better to spend a minute or two trying to figure out(and make the patient) what the hell is going on.

When it comes to life at home, it is more logical to take a breath and treat my family with the respect they deserve. Does this mean I am always cool and calm? Nope. I get stressed. But I like to think that when big things come up I can handle myself–this is something that prior to EMS I’m not sure I could do.

The most unexpected part about being an EMS dad is how being a dad has changed being a medic. Pediatric calls give me a different chill I couldn’t imagine pre-fatherhood. The way I communicate with patients and families has evolved greatly since being married and becoming a father. I spend a little more time trying to make my patients feel better than I did before–most of the time this is done by talking. Sometimes I am a little stern–call it honest–but sometimes that is exactly what the patient needs, and sometimes it is what they want.

Trying to pick and choose the parts of EMS I bring home to my family is the hardest part. Learning how to cope with the realities of my job and the challenges of being a husband and father will continue to be the hardest thing I encounter on a daily basis–but I’m excited for the challenge.

In this line of work it is easy to try and separate your personal and professional lives completely–but it is impossible to succeed. Finding a way to allow them to compliment each other is the key to survival.

Posted by medicTHREE on January 12, 2010 • Filed under: Asher, Changes, Coping, Failure, Home, ems-topics, father, husband, medic • Tagged: , , ,

Life…

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Is what happens when you’re making plans. So the saying goes, anyways. First I’d like to apologize for the lack of EMS posts lately. The combination of life, my dorky techy self playing with my new Droid, and everything else, I haven’t really found a lot of steam for new posts.

I’m trying though. I’m really trying to find my identity in EMS, life and all that jazz. I love my job, but the pay just isn’t there. I’m not running away anytime soon, but my wife and I are throwing around some ideas about my professional future.  There are a few solid options and it’ll take some real thought before we move forward.

Asher is going in for an MRI on Thursday morning relating to what I believe is a superficial Gluteal Fold. Basically just a little fold on his bottom that is literally non existent, but worth getting check out.

Hope to get back with you all again soon. How is life in YOUR neck of the woods?

Posted by medicTHREE on November 10, 2009 • Filed under: Uncategorized • Tagged: , ,

Cotton Anniversary

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Yesterday was Mrs. medicTHREE and I’s 2 year wedding anniversary. I spent the night working, sadly, but we still managed to make it special over the last few days.

It has been a pretty crazy two years for us, with more changes that I could have imagined. During the past two years, I finished medic school, got my first job, we moved, we moved again, I changed jobs(a few times), we got pregnant, had our son Asher, my wife got promoted, I had surgery, and my wife had a few medical scares too.

But we got through it, and are better off because of it. Without her, I couldn’t have done any of it. I couldn’t have made it through medic school, and I most certainly couldn’t do the job I do now. It is so incredible to be able to come home and have someone who understands me and can help me cope with the stress of this job.

The most exciting part of it all for me is the future. Who knows what and where it will bring us, but together, I am sure we can get there.

Thank you, babe. I love you more than you will ever know.

Posted by medicTHREE on October 21, 2009 • Filed under: Home, husband • Tagged: ,

Awake.

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Living days while working nights has proven to be a challenge. It seems as though every night I fall asleep with little effort, but wake up every night between 2 and 3 am–like clockwork–and just can’t seem to fall back asleep.

Tonight I woke up and it was like a switch had been clicked. Wide awake. I hate it. I want to sleep when I’m home, and want to be able to function during the day when possible. Honestly, I wish when I woke up NORMALLY it was that quick.

I am sure part of this is from getting up with Asher for soooooo many nights at nearly that exact time, but I know most of it is from my Night work schedule. It has proven to be a challenge I didn’t expect.

I know that the final key to the puzzle is a little anxiety. Honestly, we’re just skating by financially and have been going through several other medical issues between Mrs Medicthree, Asher, and myself. Asher’s Kidney draining issue is still undiagnosed, despite nearly 30,000 dollars in tests and doctor visits. Mrs. MedicThree’s problems seem to be in the clear, but will require frequent monitoring to be sure. As for myself, I am scheduled for Nissen Fundoplication surgery on Tuesday for my Acid Reflux/Gerd and I am rather anxious to get it over with. I have such frequent reflux that it is a serious burden on our lives. I’m also hesitant because of some of the terror stories out there about the side effects, but I feel as though I have no choice at this point.

Anyways, I plan on fininshing up a few posts in the making this morning/tonight, so please keep coming back to see what I’ve got.

Godspeed, Friends.

Posted by medicTHREE on September 30, 2009 • Filed under: Life, Stress, father, husband, medic, sleep • Tagged: , , , , ,

On Behalf of a Greatful Nation

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At 0846 AM Eastern Time on 09/11/2001 American Airlines Flight 11 struck the north side of Tower One of the World Trade Center Complex. This was the beginning of one of the worst days in American History.

Before this day “hijackings” were about money and power. Before this day you were much less likely to look at a Middle Eastern male the way you do now. Before this day the word “terrorist” wasn’t a political buzz word. Before this day there wasn’t a burning grave on the tip of Manhattan.

I’ve talked before about 9/11′s significance to my family. But now, just one year after that post, it is hitting me pretty hard. I’m sitting here with my son–Asher Harold. Harold for my grandfather–the man we put to rest on this day 8 years ago–and I keep blubbering like a baby. I miss him. I understand death. I understand that it is part of the process we call life. I also understand that his death left him in peace, whereas the end of his life was in pain and suffering.

I understand that.

But I’m still pissed. I’m pissed that he, and his wife, and my mother’s father didn’t get the chance to meet my son.
I’m pissed that so many people didn’t get to see their loved ones that night. I’m pissed that innocent men and women paid the price for someone’s ideology. I’m pissed that my brothers in service ran IN to a building to save people, only to never come out.

I keep struggling to find a way to just let it go. My emotions take a roller coaster thinking about it. I’m sad for the families who have had to suffer this great loss. I’m pissed at the men who thought this to be the only way to get their message out.

I don’t know what to say to any of them, but I think this is most appopriate for the victims families:

On behalf of the President of the United States and the people of a grateful nation, may I present this flag as a token of appreciation for the honorable and faithful service your loved one rendered this nation.


Sure, they weren’t “soldiers”. But they lost their lives because they lived on American Soil. They lost their lives on that principal alone.

My Grandfather was in the Army. Those words were said to my Grandmother with my Uncle by her side, his Navy Dress clean and crisp. Every time I hear them, or read them, or even think about them I get the same chill.

Today might not be about our troops… but we need to be better as a country and make EVERY day about our soldiers fighting on our behalf. They didn’t sign up to fight. They signed up out of pride. They signed up out of need. They signed up fora million reasons, but so very few people signed up because they want to go to war… So please, please take a minute to remember the fallen, and pray for those risking it all on daily basis.

Godspeed all. We miss you all.

We miss you grandpa.

Posted by medicTHREE on September 11, 2009 • Filed under: Coping, father, husband • Tagged: , ,

Writer's Block

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Yup. I’m still alive, just in a perpetual state of writer’s block. You might have noticed my twitter updates are a bit slim too. Since starting the new job, stress is better, but still there. The Mrs and I have kind of a lot going on. I’m trying to get the go ahead to do nissen fundoplication for acid reflux, Asher is still batteling his kidney issues and the Mrs has a few medical issues going on too.
Hope to be back at it soon, but just wanted to let you all know i’m still alive.

Godspeed all.
Posted by medicTHREE on August 25, 2009 • Filed under: father, husband, medic • Tagged: , ,

Things to come…

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Not much posting as of late due to my schedule. Work nights, sleep days, hang with the family whenever possible.

Some of that will change 8/1/09. I switch to days for that 6 week stretch of my FTO. I’m excited that I will get to be home a bit more during normal hours. I’m sure the Mrs. is excited for me to be around to help out with Asher a bit too.

This week we head back to the land of my medic internship to go to a pediatric nephrologist for Asher’s left kidney. Since birth it has been draining extremely slow(but not 100% blocked) and and their isn’t a doctor locally who can handle his case. We aren’t sure what the final solution is but I am sure it is surgical. The thought of doing surgery on my little boy is terrifying, but I want him to be better(though he doesn’t exhibit any real symptoms from this).

Asher is growing and changing fast. It is more exciting than you could imagine. Just over the last few days he has started to like cuddling and just hanging out with me. I LOVE this! He is just barely scooting and crawling is just around the corner.

Will have some Medic posts coming up when I have time to sit down and pound them out.

Godspeed!

Posted by medicTHREE on July 19, 2009 • Filed under: father, husband, medic • Tagged: , ,

Whatever it is.

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Cause when she loves love me
Girl that’s how I feel
Cause when she loves me I’m on top of the world
Cause when she loves me I can live forever
When she loves me I am untouchable

My wife is my queen. Without her I assure you that I would be completely lost. This song has a way of describing just how we work. It just all of the sudden clicked with us. We had an on again/off again relationship that lasted several months. Shortly there after I moved 1826 miles to Florida… For many reasons… But mostly because I was afraid of who I was becoming.

So I ran. I ran fast. I left my dog, my friends, my family, and I ran. I spent 11 months in that dreadful state(good god… humidity is supposed to end at some point). It was really my only option.

Butit worked. I grew up. I learned how to work hard--and I learned that what I was doing wasn’t for me. I learned there is more to life than what I want… but what I NEED. Then one night I found what I was looking for…. one thousand, eight hundred and twenty-six miles away from where I was. So I packed up my little red VW bug and moved my completely heterosexual ass back home. I tried to play tough. I tried to deny how I felt. But I couldn’t.

So I moved in with her. I married her. And we had a beautiful baby boy. She is my rock. My soul mate.

She is my wife. Whatever it is that brought me back, I’m not 100% sure. But SHE brought me back. Nothing else could ever have the power over me that she does.


Posted by medicTHREE on June 23, 2009 • Filed under: Failure, husband, music • Tagged: , ,

Life

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Life has been very busy/stressful/challenging lately. I have been having a hell of a time with my current job and have been looking for my way out. My boss doesn’t seem to think that 2×24 hr shifts + 3×24 hr call shifts is “working us too much”. Funny how 3 months ago he stopped working real shifts altogether since it was destroying his family life.

My family is supposed to magically survive though.

Don’t think so dude. No job will ever be worth sacrificing my family. My wife, son, and even my dogs are more important than a paycheck could ever be. The stress this job has put on my family for the last 3 months is incredible.

I’m realistic. I know that having a 4 month old son is hard. I know that the stresses a new baby can put on a relationship are rather intense. But they are nothing compared to what this job does.

I hope to have magical results for you all in 48 hours.

Godspeed, friends.

Posted by medicTHREE on June 14, 2009 • Filed under: Failure, HELP, Home, father, husband, medic • Tagged: , , , , ,

medic(THREE)

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When www.medicthree.com started, a little over a year ago, it had a different meaning that it does today. Initially, I was Cheating Death: The Daily DOA. This is a plug from one of my medic school instructors “start your day with a doa, doo dah”.

You can still get to this site via www.dailydoa.blogspot.com. I then moved on to www.medicthree.com. I was Medic 3 at my last job. That was me. I responded to every call with my sign. But Medic 3 was not destined to be.

Now, I am medic 16(for the time being) and I couldn’t bring myself to change the blog title again(at that time… I did in fact change it 3 more times!!!) so I kept it. It actually messed me up a few times, as I’ve copied calls as medic 13 and not portable 16… Tends to confuse the dispatchers and my coworkers…

But now Medic Three means something else. It is about me. About who and

what I am now.

I am a Medic.

I am a Father.

I am a Husband.

All of these define me. No one of them does it alone.

I am medic(THREE).

The hardest parts of living this trio are leaving some parts behind and learning to use the combination as a tool. Being a father—albeit new—has already helped me on calls.

Being a medic has helped me at home with the boy. It helps me understand some of the little things about babies. About when they are sick, and when they aren’t. It has also been a detriment. When something is wrong… I know. I understand just how serious things are. When Grandpa was in his last days… I knew. I understand that some things aren’t as simple as we tend to lead others to believe.

Being a husband has taught me millions of things. From compassion and patience, to focus and understanding. My wife has taught me more things than I care to admit!

medic(THREE) is a growing album of who I am. Who I am is ever changing—fluid. Being me couldn’t be any better though. I love my work, though maybe not my place of work. I love my son. Unconditionally. I love my wife. With all of my heart.

Godspeed All… Hope to have some exciting news for you soon!

Posted by medicTHREE on June 6, 2009 • Filed under: Coping, father, husband, medic • Tagged: , , ,

Failure.

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For 7 months I have tried to reverse what I consider to be my biggest failure of my life. I work hard. I try to improve things. When that doesn’t work, I give up. I know… I’m a type A personality. I’m a leader. A fighter. I strong person. But I can’t fight this fight anymore.

Every day, I wake up—if I even slept that night, and spend an hour dreading work. If I’m on call I fear any chance I have to go in. When I’m ON I get sick. I dread the conversations with coworkers, the tedious tasks, and the shit morale.

I feel as though I’ve failed. I moved my family and implanted us here with no other options… Well… One other option. My initial first choice. The problem is… the THOUGHT of going there could get me fired here. No… It WOULD get me fired.

I’m damn scared. I do NOT want to let my family down. I want need to succeed. I need to prove myself to my family. I need to prove myself to… me. All I want is to be a Paramedic. All I want is to succeed. Yet every move I make ends in failure. My first job was a failure. This is an EPIC failure.

What would you do? I’m signed into a lease for at least a year. Further, I love being here. We are in my hometown, a mile from my parents, an hour from my in-laws, and I feel spoiled. My son certainly is. I know my parents love having a grandchild close. What do I do?

Wish me luck.

Posted by medicTHREE on June 3, 2009 • Filed under: Failure, father, husband, medic • Tagged: , , ,

On the Truck…

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Back on for a 24 this am… Had a great night with the wife and friends last night at Ribfest. The little guy stayed with the in-laws for the first time last night… More nervewrecking than when he stays with my parents… Something bout him not being IN town, but 45 miles away…

Miss ya buddy… Can’t wait to see you guys!

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Posted by medicTHREE on May 30, 2009 • Filed under: Asher, father, husband, medic • Tagged: , , ,

I hadn't planned on doing this…

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Really, I hadn’t. AD’s post was better than I could do… But I have to say something.
First, head over to Remember the Fallen. After I read AD’s post I did a little work on google and found that site. I browsed around and then I found the gallery.
It is full of heart wrenching photos.
This one got me.
With a son of my own, the fear of getting hurt–or worse–at work is ever present. The number of kids out there who have lost their mother, father, brother, sister, grandpa or grandma to war is growing. It hurts. I’m a grown man and I was blubbering like a baby.
It hurts.
May God have mercy on your souls.
God have Mercy.
Some Memorial Day Reads:
Posted by medicTHREE on May 25, 2009 • Filed under: Coping, Heart Strings, father, husband, medic • Tagged: , , , ,

Um… Yeah….

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So, It has been rather apparent that I can’t make my mind up. At all.

In the past 6 months I have:

  • Abandoned MedicThree.com
  • Started and abandoned glutenfreedad.com(no longer hosted)
  • Started and flopped on courtesyshock.com(still up)
  • Started, but done nothing with medicdad.com
  • And now I am back with medicthree.com. Format might be a little different, as you can see, but back I am. I have new motivation for some posts, and my fears of exposure are all but gone. A few people
    here know me in real life. One of them is one of my supervisors–but, if I can’t trust her… I’m in a world of hurt anyways!

Anyways… I assure you that by the end of the night there will be an ACTUAL POST HERE…

So… Let me know how things are going! What do you think?!?!?

Posted by medicTHREE on May 24, 2009 • Filed under: Boredom, Changes, Failure, father, husband, medic • Tagged: , , , , ,